Parents want only the best for their children. Most would say that, ultimately, they want their children to have a better life than they did. Sometimes, though, parents forget that children are unique individuals with their own desires and abilities. Particularly in the area of sports, conflict can arise when parents focus on their own dreams and goals rather than seeking to help kids define their own.
Setting Healthy Goals for Sports Involvement
It may seem reasonable for parents to want their youngsters to become the "best" at a sport, or chase after an athletic scholarship. Except that these goals depend largely on the action of the child, not the parent.
Parents are better off setting goals that they can control, such as teaching their child the value of sports for life-long fitness and fun, providing financial and emotional support for their child's involvement in sports, and using sports as a vehicle to teach their kids good attitude, teamwork, discipline, and character. Those goals are achievable, whatever activity a child pursues and for whatever length of time.
Reasonable Expectations for Children
Parents should, of course, expect results from a child's involvement in sports – results such as a child who is more physically fit, has a better social life, and learns dedication and effort. A key is to measure results like these, not wins and losses.
While winning is nice, the ultimate purpose of sports is to provide kids with opportunities for fun and growth. As long as a child is learning from the sport, the experience remains emotionally healthy, and participation is making him or her more mature and better prepared for life, parents can know their time and money is well spent.
Through continued involvement in sports, parents can also expect a child's skills to improve. Focusing on performance and effort ensures that kids will continue to benefit from their participation. On the other hand, parents who focus on wins, or on competence, can set themselves up for disappointment, and leave their kids frustrated. Look for improvement in the child's ability, not at the team's record, and recognize and reward effort.
Keep aspirations of college scholarships or professional careers in perspective, as one of many important dreams parents have for their child – including a successful and rewarding career, a happy marriage, lifelong involvement in the community. Remember that the choice to continue playing a sport, especially in high school and college, is ultimately the child's.
How Parents Can Support Involvement in Sports
Parents can avoid early burn-out and improve the chances of a child sticking with sports if they:
- Avoid pushing kids into early specialization in one sport.
- Leave the coaching to others.
- Emphasize mastery of the sport over competence and effort over accomplishment.
- Help kids learn to deal with loss in a positive way.
- Find coaches and teams that emphasize fun and good sportsmanship.
- Encourage kids to practice enough to develop good skills, but to balance it with other interests.
- Lessen the degree of parental involvement in decision-making as kids get older.
Even when parents have a healthy perspective and level of involvement, there may come a time when a child wants to quit playing a sport. An adolescent may do so, for example, simply as a way to assert independence.
Parents should be supportive of that choice. Focus on the benefits of the child's involvement, and leave the door open for future play. A child who is allowed to quit without pressure from parents may want to play again at some point.
Melissa Gaskill - An independent journalist for 16 years, Melissa Gaskill holds degrees in biology and journalism and writes about travel, nature, outdoor ...
